Archive | September, 2013

Pakistan bans Ahmadi’s circumcision

23 Sep

In a bid to enforce its citizen’s adherence to the spirit of constitution of the country, Pakistan national assembly passed a historic and unanimous resolutions to ban doctors from performing circumcision on children belonging to the heretic Ahmadiyya sect.

After the landmark resolution was passed, Law ministry issued a statement thanking all the political parties who had drafted the bill together through their legal experts. Ministry reaffirmed government’s mission to eradicate all Muslim signs from Ahmadiyya ‘places of worship’, stating that since erected phallus-shaped-minarets were already being demolished, expanding the operation to actual penises was the only logical way to move forward.

As per article 298 C of the constitution of Islamic Republic of Pakistan, Ahmadis are barred from impersonating themselves as Muslims and insulting sentiments of real circumcised Muslims. After this bill, every Muslim parent wishing for hospitals to do the circumcision on their child will have to sign the following oath:

I solemnly declare and personally attest that Qadiani dicks are ugly. And so are their relatively less ugly Lahori group’s. But ugly none than less

Speaker National Assembly, on being contacted by the reporter, expressed his satisfaction over the resolution and expressed his hope that Ahmadis will not erect new ways of impersonating Muslims.

“State has got nothing against Qadianis. We only want them to respect the constitution of the land like all other Pakistanis”, he further added while talking to the reporters on his way to attend SC hearing about embezzlement cases.

Speaker also praised veteran journalist Sangsaar Abbasi for bringing the issue to the attention of the nation after his numerous reports and articles highlighting the issue.

Teary eyed Abbasi while talking to the reporters expressed his gratitude towards Almighty for enabling him to carry out his mission without any fear. He complained that liberal fascist had terrorized him with their abusive language and sound reason.

Renowned moderate cleric Molana Tahir Ashracuppi through the platform Islami Nazriyati Council welcomed the decision and has also demanded that government setup a separate commission to check for already existing Qadiani dicks to penalize those who had impersonated Muslims in the past. Considered as somewhat of an expert over the subject, the good Molana has offered to head the commission itself and look for all the ‘cases’ personally. He demanded that all Ahmadi male adults be put in ‘concentration camps’ till he can ‘concentrate’ fully on the given task against each of them.

Kabhi ao concentration camp, Khushbu lagaa kay!

Kabhi ao concentration camp, Khushbu lagaa kay!

Government has already shown positive response to the idea. The proposed commission is being dubbed as Markazi royat e boner committee.

Disclaimer: Any references of names similar to real personalities is purely and extremely intentional

Advertisements