How is Pakistan army coerced into blackmail?‏

28 Feb

I had a pretty normal childhood like many Pakistani children. I was born in a generation which was regularly taught that all ailing problems of Pakistan are due to corrupt politicians and whenever Army will again come into power, things would just magically start to place themselves in rightful places.

Yes, I am of the generation which grew up fascinating about khaki uniforms and watching Sunehrey Din and ‘Alpha Bravo Charlie’. Then of course came the time when army DID take over the country and I saw people smiling and distributing sweets.

So did things start to magically place themselves back where they belonged after that? Well, not exactly. In fact, shortly occurred an event which for the first time in my life made me feel unpatriotic; At least from the point of view of state narrative. Just after couple of months of military coup, an Indian plane was hijacked by terrorists demanding the release of Maulana Masood Azhar. Throughout that time, PTV kept on pumping the state narrative into its audience that Pakistan or any of its state or non state actors have nothing to do with it and Indians are just feeling the backlash of their approach towards Kashmir, by the Kashmiri themselves. I bought that argument. So you would imagine my surprise when after few weeks of Azhar’s release, I found out in our newspapers, that not only did Maulana came to Karachi after the release but was announcing his own organization Jaish-e-Muhammad.

The goals of organization apparently were to free Kashmir giving an end to Indian tyranny. His exact words to be precise were: “I have come here because this is my duty to tell you that Muslims should not rest in peace until we have destroyed America and India”. Ok, so maybe it was just more than about Kashmir.

Organizations flourished in Southern Punjab, while Maulana Masood Azhar himself started giving fiery sermons in Bahawalpur seminary which not just included the evils of India, America and the Jewish lobbies, but his interesting takes on other sects as well i.e Brelvi sunni and shi’as in particular. Southern Punjab of course is the same area which had been the hub of other sectarian outfits for many years, Lashkar e Jhangvi among them, with Sipah e Sahaba giving them a political cover. One thing to understand regarding all these different outfits is that they are brainwashed with same type of hate literature against non Muslims and all other sects which do not agree with their ideology. Also members of such groups have a history of transfer of people from one lashkar to another.

When Musharraf initiated a half hearted crackdown against different jihadist groups, after US pressure due to attack on Indian parliament many of such groups eventually formed into Punjabi Taliban in alliance with members of TTP and Al Qaeda of Afghanistan. One should also remember that during Taliban massacre of Mazar Sharif, there also emerged reports of members of Sipah e Sahaba participating alongside Taliban against Afghan Hazaara Shia population and Iranian consulate also came under attack resulting death of journalist and 8 diplomat members. So these groups at micro level shared the same ideology for a long time. In form of Punjabi Taliban, TTP found the most destructive ally and for years ahead groups like Lashkar e Jhangvi, Harkatul-Jehad-AlIslami and Jaish e Muhammad being involved in most of the attacks. The attacks escalated most when TTP ended peace deal after the Laal Masjid operation (which for instance also held many Jaish members) and military are police forces were targeted directly. Most prominent being GHQ attack in late 2009 and Manawan Police Academy attack in early part of the same year.

This is probably the period where our military strategists again started to gather some of the ‘perceived good Punjabi Taliban’ under their protective fold for reasons best known to themselves. But a fair guess can be made that they hoped these ‘good ones’ might be able to pacify the ‘bad ones’. The timelines of events before and after these attacks match the theory. In 2008, Baluchistan’s LeJ chapter’s head Usman Ali Kurd managed to escape high security zone of ‘Quetta Cantonment’ ( During the GHQ attack, founder of Lashkar e Jhangvi Malik Ishaq came to persuade the main attack Dr Usman, another LeJ member, after he was flown out of jail specifically for this purpose ( Dr Usman reportedly after seeing him and Ahmad Ludhianvi (Chief SSP), said “I’d have wished to die instead seeing you here from GHQ side”. Which indicates that he felt betrayed and surprised to see his leaders who perhaps at some point had used him and many others like him. One and a half year later, Malik Ishaq was released at SC orders due to ‘lack of evidence’.

Incidentally, the lone suspect who was captured from Manawan police attack site with grenades and ammunitions and on whose tip, 10 other suspects from a ‘proscribed religious organization’ ( were also arrested, was also set free in June 2010. Manwan is not far from Cantonment as well and there is SSP seminary in Manwan also. During last couple of years, SSP has tried to show its street power in populated areas near Manawan like Bedian road, Bhatta chowk going till RA bazaar and Nishaat Colony by hate filled wall chalking and violent protests against blasphemous youtube video. All these areas are either near cantonment or part of it. In the wake of recent face saving attempts by PMLN this wall chalking has finally been removed which indicates earlier lack of motivation to do so. Malik Ishaq earlier this year had planned to give sermon in mosque of KB colony, near airport and Cantonment area but was arrested on hate speech in order to prevent him from speech in such a prominent place. However, he was released shortly afterwards.

Since the release of Ishaq, attacks on shi’as have intensified, especially in case of Baluchistan which saw many incidents on pilgrims going to Iran, local shi’a Hazaara and non Hazaara population. As indicated in Amir Mir’s report in The News ( Malik Ishaq established contacts with Usman Kurd and his no. 2 in Baluchistan. That also explains why the material for the latest blast in Hazaara Town was taken from Punjab. However it does not explain why any of our security agencies failed to apprehend it on its long way towards Quetta.

Wajahat S Khan while deconstructing many theories about Quetta problems in his peace ( mention the private confessions of cops that the “chaps in the Cantt” may be thinking the LeJ is a lot of things but not anti-state; thus there may be a “strategic umbrella tolerance” for the group.

What exactly is anti state? Perhaps ‘our chaps in the Cantt’ think anti state only means those who want to capture barren lands and mountains. One would rather think, groups engaged in killing and annihilating fertile families would also be anti state to some extent at least? Is the purpose of armed forces not to protect its country’s civilian population? According to some people, army wanted to engage with Malik Ishaq to deradicalize him and other terrorist.

Does this ‘deradicalization mission’ mean that he is going to prevent his likes from becoming another Dr Usman of GHQ attack and instead divert their focus and energy to become another Riaz Basraa?

Thankfully there are voices now being raised in the media. Anchors like Waseem Badaami, Mubashir Luqman and Muhammad Malick and politicians like Sheikh Waqas are openly discussing the Arab world connections with these militant groups and failure of our security forces to control them. As per Najam Sethi, military is reluctant to initiate any activity against terrorists because they do not have political support. This argument is good but not good enough. While it is true that parties like PMLN are giving political cover for these terrorists and some financiers of PPP are providing licensed weapons to these groups (as mentioned by Hamid Mir in his column), it does not exempt our military leadership and should not be used as an excuse. After all, when have they ever needed political support for kidnapping and killing Baluch nationalists? Don’t they do it when feel like it anyway?

The sudden change of heart of analysts like Malick is encouraging however and may be an indication that establishment may finally be starting to ditch its old pals and creating a healthy atmosphere in media to start an eventual operation. But this could also mean that Malick has just been divorced so I should not keep my hopes up too much.

Of course there are other international factors as well due to which our forces may find themselves handicapped. One primary factor is of course that a dog can’t bite the hand that has been feeding him for many years and this is the case where our top brass may not wish to disturb their Arab masters who neither want Pakistan to have Iran gas pipeline deal or for Gwadar to flourish as a port. It is high time our politicians and the security forces start to value lives of Pakistanis rather than worry about wrath of Arab masters.

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Jan lo keh tum sab qaatil ho

18 Jan

جان لو کہ تم سب قاتل ہو
جہنمی گروھ باطل ہو

ہر وقت ہر مسلک کے، کیڑے نکالتے رہتے ہو
اسلام سے مسلمانوں کو، خارج کراتے رہتے ہو
کبھی ‘ان’ کو بھی روک کے پوچھا ہے؟
کیوں بیجرم خون بہاتے رہتے ہو؟

قاتلو میں تم بھی شامل ہو
اس گندی سوچ کے حامل ہو
جہالت خود جس سے پناہ مانگے
ایسے  تکفیری جاہل ہو

جان لو کہ تم سب قاتل ہو

تمہاری ستاروں والی وردی میں، اس قوم کے خون کی زردی ہے
الٹی سیدھی تدبیروں نے، کیا ملک کی حالت کر دی ہے
ایسی تو نہیں پھر کہتے سب
دہشتگردی کے پیچھے وردی ہے

یہ کاٹنے والے کتے سب، تمہارے ہی تو پالے ہیں
بھرے بریف کیسوں کی خاطر، تمھاری آنکہ کے تارے ہیں
لگام ڈالو ان کو تم ورنہ
حسسینی اب ڈالنے والے ہیں

ظالمو کو ساتھ ملا کر تم، مجرم ہو مظلوموں کے
کیا نظر اتے نہیں تم کو لاشے، اپنے ہی جوانوں کے؟
تمہارے ہی اندر گھسے سب قاتل
بلوچوں ، ہزارہ کے، پشتونوں کے

جان لو کہ تم سب قاتل ہو

پیپی  کے تم جیالے ہو
کالے کرتوتوں والے ہو
تمہاری نسل پرستی بھی ملاوٹی ہے
منافق کمینے سالے ہو

وہ قاتل اب بھی زندہ ہیں
اسی سرکار میں تابندہ ہیں
انھیں بغلوں میں گھسا کے پھر
کہتے ہو ہم شرمندہ ہیں؟

جان لو کہ تم سب قاتل ہو

تم منصف نہیں قصاب ہو
اس دھرتی پہ الله کا عذاب ہو
انصاف کا ڈھونگ سب جھوٹا ہے
تمہی تو دجال ہو، کذاب  و

قاتلوں کو چھوڑنے کے، بناتے تم بہانے ہو
اندر ہی اندر تم بھی سب ، جانتے سب ٹھکانے ہو
بےشرم پھر کھل کے کہ دو اب
کہ تم آنکھوں سے  کانے ہو

جان لو کہ تم سب قاتل ہو

کیوں اپنے گریبان میں، جھانکنے سے کتراتے ہو
قاتلوں کا نام تم لینے میں، اتنا کیوں گھبراتے ہو
کیا تمہارے گھر سب محفوظ ہیں؟
کیا اسی لیے شرماتے ہو؟

اے اس قوم کے سوتے لوگو، تم بھی مجرم ہو
زرہ دل میں جھانک کے سوچو، تم بھی مجرم ہو
اس دور کے یزیدیوں کے خلاف
جب تک کھل کے نہ بولو، تم بھی مجرم ہو

جان لو کہ تم سب قاتل ہو

Do not make IK your scapegoat

17 Oct

Shame on you, Mr. Khan“, read the title of an article of a popular English daily.

TALIBAN Khan is back”, was the starting line of a piece by a member of editorial staff of another English daily. Yes with caps.

So Imran Khan wants to negotiate with the people who kill little girls for their desire for education”, screamed (read: tweeted) some of Malala’s well wishers after the attack on her. Of course they were not using the incident to vent their anger and frustration for personal reasons. It is very reasonable to blame Imran Khan because obviously he has been advocating a ban on women education and ordering Taliban to attack little girls for years. Isn’t he? Never mind that he is the founder of one of the internationally recognized colleges of our country, located in a relatively small city.


You would think Imran Khan had personally shot the girl and put the picture of himself holding on his twitter account if you read some of the ‘opinions’ expressed.

Everyone loves to have a scapegoat i.e that one person who can be blamed for all the wrongs that happen to us because it helps us avoid figuring out the actual problem or to help avoid the real culprits. ‘Bomb attack in Pakistan?’ Blame India. ‘Bomb attack in India?’ Blame ISI. ‘Increase in sectarian violence?’ Blame Jews for spreading the hatred among the Muslim Ummah, which was living very happily otherwise. ‘Your children don’t listen to you?’ Blame Amreeka and maghribi rivayaat (whatever that is). Even Taliban use this ploy effectively and blame all of their motivations on operation of Lal Masjid. Similarly, the elites have found Khan as an easy scapegoat for all the wrongs that have plagued this country even though the guy has yet to hold any actual power. Khan is an easy prey because the only thing one has to worry about afterwards is the amount of hate mail one receives. And considering that many pseudo intellectuals think that amount of hate mail is directly proportional to their own IQ, it actually is a bonus. He is easy because blaming him will excuse them from speaking openly about the real culprits.

Or is it because Imran Khan openly speaks what he believes in instead of playing the game like PML-N which covertly makes alliances with extremist organizations for a couple of petty NA seats? Whose law minister has even participated in rallies of these organizations despite their links to Lashkar e Jhangvi which is responsible for sectarian violence from Punjab to Baluchistan? And yet ‘opinion makers’ of editorial pages only seem to find Imran Khan as a hypocrite. I must sue Oxford dictionary publishers and all my English teachers for feeding me the wrong definition of hypocrite all these years.

If a leader of a popular party can be called TALIBAN KHAN by a member of editorial staff in opinion pages may we also write ‘Shahbaz Sharif Jhangvi’?

To put it on record let me say I do not agree with Khan’s idea of negotiations with the Taliban. But is he the only one doing it? PPP information minister Mr. Kaira even went on to say government would support if Khan negotiates with Taliban. Apparently he also suggested Nawaz Sharif should negotiate with Baluch leaders. One wonders why have people voted for PPP then if every one else is supposed to do their job? So, why no article with the title ‘Shame on you Mr. Kaira’?

If it is about Imran Khan saying that there are different types of Taliban groups who need to be identified and separated, than one only needs to be looking at what Rehman Malik has been smoking for the last few days because that is exactly what he has been saying.

Lot of issue has been made (and rightly so) about Imran Khan’s statement in Talat Hussain’s interview where he showed reservation over big statements against Taliban over the safety of his workers in FATA. But one must ask whether any other politician even has made this little statement even? Even the parliament resolution did not mention Taliban by name. Why not write a piece ‘Shame on our whole Parliament’?

I would double dare any opinion maker to write an article titled ‘Shame-on-He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’ over the killings of mere bystanders by political goons just because their leader was insulted by a member of another party?

Or is it because authors of elitist mindset feel guilty over keeping on voting for same parties again and again and their parties producing zero results?

Guilt is a very undesirable feeling to have. We do not wish to take any blame for ourselves or for those whom we helped in any sort of way. For that we tend to deflect our guilt on a scapegoat. Stop using Imran Khan’s name for personal fame or because you want to subdue your own guilt. Perhaps ‘Shame on us all’ should be the next appropriate title.

Being brave when it matters

11 Oct

Fear is a dangerous thing. It can create panic and obscure our purpose and journey. It can make us hesitant in doing the right thing to do. Few people in this world show valor at the time when it really matters, because the path of valor requires sacrifice. Because it is one thing to hurl threats against an enemy from afar, while looking at an armed and powerful enemy in the eye and standing your ground is another. It is this very reason that history only remembers those heroes who chose to fight for what they believed in regardless of the size of their enemy.

When a nation is fighting a war it rallies around its heroes. They are the ones who inspire others. They have influence beyond material output as they ignite passion among others and the will to resist. Malala Yousafzai is that warrior hero. She is the one who has eloquently used the most powerful weapon there is, to make grown men fear her, her vision, her philosophy and her resistance. If ever a book is written by the phrase ‘Pen is mightier than sword’, than her face should be on it. Some sections have pointed out that young children have died in Pakistan and indeed they keep on dying rather frequently in Baluchistan, FATA and other areas effected most by terrorism, so why such special focus on her? For such people I would say ‘Open your eyes. It is not every day that you can find a hero that has the potential to inspire thousands of others’

Unfortunately for her, she is the hero of a war which is least likely to be owned up by its own people who are supposed to defend themselves. She is the hero of a nation which has sunk its head in the sand and has not, even after these many years not made up its mind whether to even acknowledge the enemy. Can she grow beyond herself to change all that?

For her part, she has mostly done her job. When grown up leaders were questioning whether terrorist attacks on schools do actually exist or is it all some media propaganda, (you all know who you are) she was 11 year old girl facing all the situation herself and decided to speak up against all that herself through her pen and through her voice. One assumes she would have tried to do so by hand as well if she was old enough. Her story would make many grownups feel like a useless lot. I for one surely feel that way.

She showed valor when it all mattered. She was in the thick of the situation and yet she spoke up. Not from her drawing rooms in farm houses of Islamabad and Lahore. Even after the cowards threatened her she remained brave. There is nothing further that we can demand of her. Well perhaps we could ask her to kick our leaders in the nuts whenever she recovers. Perhaps that would help them realize that they may have them still. Will that throw in some senses? They sure do need a reminder. None have clearly spoken against the enemy even half bravely as her. Even Imran Khan clearly admitted it citing safety for his own workers as a concern. Many circles have criticized him for his statement, I would say at least he had this much courage to say these words, while there has been complete silence from other leaders and our National Assembly which has issued a mere redundant and bogus condemnation. If today also, we do not recognize this as our war than when will we?

The reasons given by TTP spokesman make one thing clear. This IS an ideological war and not reactionary. The terrorists are people who have their own mindset over how they want to see Pakistan through their closed mind. Anything other than that is against them and is a threat for them. No matter if she happens to be a 14 year old girl.

Meanwhile in an evil parallel Universe …

23 Sep

The blasphemous movie producers and opportunist distributor find them in a peculiar situation after thousands of white flowers were sent to their homes with little teddy bears bearing signs of ‘Get Well Soon’.

The campaign started by reformist cleric of Lebanon, Sheikh Hassan Nasrullah has gained widespread momentum and appreciation. Muslims from all around the different countries have responded to his call positively. One such case is of a peace activist in Pakistan by the name of Malik Ishaq, who alone donated for the ten thousand white jasmine flowers to be delivered to Terry Jones.

When Nasarullah was asked about the campaign itself he shared that he was very much influenced by the teachings of great South Asian pacifist Abul Alaa Mohan Daas Maududi.

“I am a strong believer of Maududi-giri. I believe his philosophy and message of love and peace can conquer hearts across the globe. I just hope in whatever heaven he might be, he would be proud of me today”, Nasarullah said after removing a tear of joy from his eyes.

In addition to this campaign many Muslims across the globe are distributing free copies of Quran and participating widely in philanthropic activities. A teenage activist and hit singer, Ghulam Ahmad Bilor said that he is not bothered by people like the movie producers and the best way he can serve the Prophet SAW is by following in his footsteps.

While the reactions have been appreciated by people from all walks of life across the globe, not many share the same sentiment. International criminal cum terrorist cum cult figure, The Dalai Lama is of the opinion that Muslims are pussies and if something similar had come out about Budha he would have personally ripped the fu**in throat of the director.

“And then I would have grown my Satanic horns”

Speaking via satellite from his secret evil lair, the felon reissued the fatwa of murder of alleged blasphemer painter, M.F Hussain for his painting of the laughing Budha and increased the bounty from 3 million Bangladesh Taka to a mind boggling five million Taka.

In other news, violent protests have started in The Greater Israel by the majority Ahmadiyya community after some unknown Muslim cleric from Czechoslovakia posted an image of Mirza Ghulam Ahmad with a caption “Imposter” on his facebook page. Demanding death penalty for the blasphemer, protesters burned the state buildings and attacked minority Muslim and Jewish  population, accusing both of being a part of a greater conspiracy against their religion. However, the major damage was done in the capital city of Jerusalem by the community against its own people after enraged protesters ran out of patience to find any Muslim or Jew nearby.

Democratically elected president of Saudi Arabia and Nobel prize winner, Princess Ameerah showed grave concerns over the safety of minorities of The Greater Israel and also condemned the Czech cleric for instigating hatred against the other community.

There was a time I could walk through Quetta

29 Jun

All of us have some special kind of emotional attachment to things that we cherished during  childhood and teenage. The home where we have the earliest memories, our childhood best friends, that special watch that one of your elders gave  you after getting good results in school, that special spicy chaats which your mother used to forbid you to eat, the places where you used to spend your vacations and many other things which one never gets too old for or too tired or too used to.

I have been to Iran 8 times. 7 out of those 8 times happened in either my childhood or teenage years. In all of those times, I traveled through Quetta back and forth. So with every Iran’s trip, I visited Quetta twice. Apart from those times, I sometimes used to go to Quetta to receive my family members when they went to Iran leaving me behind. Being from a reasonably well off Shia family meant that almost every year, many from my family would go for different pilgrimages e.g Umrah, Iraq, Syria, Iran etc. The places hold deep spiritual attachment to shias, with shrines of the holy infallible, which can only be understood by someone who shares the same feeling. Iran always used to be the first choice visit due to multiple factors. Since it was controlled by Shia government the pilgrims did not face the same kind of problems as in Iraq under Saddam or in the kingdom of Saudi regime. The second factor of course was that it was a cheaper route through Quetta on trains and buses. And hence the reason for my frequent visits.

I love the journey of the train. Yes, even on a Pakistani train. The journeys from Multan to Quetta on ‘Quetta Express’ are one of the cherished memories of my life.

Usually we traveled with around 25-30 people of the Gardezi family, young and old. We used to book big train compartments. I, along with my cousins, would spend the journey running around different cabins, standing by open doors and exploring different railway stations. At Sibi, the train tracks would change directions in a way that first timers would think they are being headed back to Multan. At Mach, one engine would not be enough for a steep track ahead and another would be attached. The passage between mountains had many tunnels. Forty, if I recall correctly. And usually because the  train’s lights were out it gave chills in case of particularly long tunnels.

At some places between the passage towards Quetta and then to Iran’s border, there used to be some small mountains which hosted phrases with well placed stone patterns that showed the messages “Shia Kafir hai”. I do not recall my blood boiling at that time after seeing such phrases. Indeed they could be seen in some places even back home. But people in general in Quetta never seemed hostile. Just like back in home, my school mates would often take a sectarian jibe but overall would be friendly enough.

We could walk freely in bazaars of Quetta  sometimes even without adult supervision. Families would shop for hours in its markets. The ‘aunties’ among my family would usually prefer shopping from Quetta on the way back instead of Iran. Shop keepers would ask us to pray for them on the pilgrimage. Whether the friendliness of the people was because of rules of business and customer or because they considered us a guest, I do not know. But I do know that no one showed any signs of hatred because of my ethnicity or sect. If some people did think on those lines they perhaps kept it quiet. Same way many people I know even here in Punjab.

My favorite part was the journey from Quetta to Taftaan, the border town that linked with Iran’s Mir Jawah. Although the elders among the family loathed the journey due to its tiresome nature I thoroughly used to look forward to it especially if we were travelling through Hilux double cabins. The 800 km long road from Quetta was almost all barren with very little population. Even places which were humbly termed ‘cities’ like Noshki, held very little population and the dhabas where we used to eat never had proper drinking water. I guess the only ways the locals were earning anything was through travelers and trade between the two countries or any construction work that may have been happening. Other than that neither were  there any crops grown or any industrial area.

I was seventeen the last time I visited Quetta ten years back. I remember as slowly I was growing older I started to take those signs more seriously. Ground realities of Pakistan’s society and life in general were also hitting on me; slowly cynism was creeping. Although I would not say it was uncalled for.

For some years I did not get the chance to visit Iran or Quetta. After that everything went downhill. The railways, the security situation in Quetta and Baluchistan in general. It started getting more and more dangerous to follow the route. Reports started coming about attacks on Imam Bargahs, Hazaras and on Punjabis settled there. One of my distant cousins was working in Baluchistan in one of the companies of oil and gas sector. The guy was very pro army and patriotic. All his team it seemed belonged to shias and as he told me, they were one day attacked by unidentified men while the FC guards providing them security were suddenly nowhere to be found. He survived but not all were lucky. Slowly number of people going to Iran through Quetta decreased by a very large number. But what to do about Hazara Shias that are still living there? The ones who call that place their home? As I write this piece I cannot think of any suitable time when I will ever be going to Quetta again as the situation has gone from bad to worse. It seems that it is becoming routine now that shias are being targeted there again and again. Hazaras are the biggest suffering group.

I cannot see any reason why nationalists would attack a group of people based on ethnicity or sect. But this wave of attacks can help those corridors of power who would gain if the lawlessness in Baluchistan is shown as a result of sectarian and ethnic clashes rather than a nationalist cause triggered by lack of rights given to the people of the region. When East Pakistan’s rebellion was being crushed same group of people were used in violent crimes there and now same people being used here. My sunni friends often question my judgment if I ever talk of army’s support of jihadis and the ‘good’ Talibaan. Some think I am biased. I might as well be but fact is that all these organization on micro level have the same mindset. Names that are often associated with different terrorist and sectarian organization have a history of changing their organizations. From one Lashkar to another. While our people support one Lashkar and keep mum on the other one, because they are not being directly affected by it. Whereas our state institutions openly support people who have a big clout in both type of lashkars. After all, there is a reason Mr. Ludhianvi was brought on a state helicopter from prison to negotiate with the terrorists of the GHQ attack.

The reason is very obvious, but our people would keep mum perhaps. Or may be being mum is just an excuse and covertly they have sympathies with the killers. Salman Taseer’s assassination showed that there does not exist a silent moderate majority, but a rather vocal and violent minded majority.

I hate the fact that my mind has become too cynic to think in these lines. I hate that common people tolerated those signs and hate speeches to an extent that now the extremists have gone all open and into the mainstream. I hate the fact that our institutions can make Baluch nationalists ‘missing’ very easily while the killers of Hazara shias are having the time of their life. I hate that people in Baluchistan and especially its small cities have lost one good portion of its revenue by the loss of tourists and trade. I hate that the place Hazaras call home has become their slaughter house. I hate that I am unable to walk freely through Quetta again. And above all, I hate people who do not see any issue in it.

PCB plans to hold series in Mars

1 Jun

After the refusal of Sri Lanka Cricket Board to host a series between Australia and the inevitable anticipated rejection from BCCI, PCB has decided to hold the series on another neural venue i.e planet Mars. PCB media spokesperson informing the details of the decision informed dumb founded media personnel that they first considered Venus but the idea was rejected as Australians showed concerns over the ‘possible’ amount of heat on the planet as their players feel they will find i difficult to adapt to the conditions.

The memo sent by ACB to PCB read something like on the lines of ‘You-gotta-be-f**kin-kidding-me’.

Pakistan players however felt disappointed and expressed regret over the fact that Venus suited Pakistan’s conditions more and it was like playing at home.

“Honestly there is not much difference if you have already had practice sessions in Gaddafi Stadium now a days”, said Misbah. It was difficult to judge whether he was happy or sad over the decision.

One Pakistan player on the condition of anonymity* said that Venus held the advantage in a way in case Misbah is stuck with one of his ‘building’ innings routine, it would be easier for him to attempt a suicide by jumping over to the neighboring sun.

“Its ingenious! I do not know why I did not think of it before. No one lives there, so no one can refuse our request”, said an unusually jubilant PCB chief, Zaka Ashraf.


US secretary of State, Mrs. Clinton showed concerns and revealed that hey have strong intelligence that Darth Vader is hiding in North Waziristan and may get on board on the rocket that will take Pakistan team to Mars. She also suggested the fear that disgraced Jedi might attack Australian team on Mars as well to announce his new reign of terror and hence Pakistan should do more to aid in his capture.


When Pakistan’s interior minister was asked about Mrs. Clinton’s remarks, a bewildered Rehman Malik exclaimed he did not who the f**k this Darth Vader was, but vowed to track him down if the US shared their intelligence with Pakistan.

Yuh right!



PCB chairman Ashraf however remained positive. Sharing the security plan for the series due to rumored threats by Darth Vader, Zaka said he had personally contacted Spock for overseeing the arrangements and that starship Enterprise will be taking care of any external or internal threats.  When this reporter contacted Mr. Spock however, he said that Ashraf probably confuses courtesy of Vulcan salute with a victory sign in agreement.

When Ashraf was asked how PCB was planning to profit from the venture since there will be no spectators in Mars, he simply glared at the reporter, flared his nostrils and blew some air upwards towards his mustaches.

It appears however that the decision did not go well with an eastern neighbor i.e India. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh urged United States and UN security council to interfere, suggesting that this plan might just be cover for an attempt to declare Mars as a Pakistan territory. He also directed Indian scientists to blow up Mars with atomic weapons, but the rocket carrying the weapons to Mars could not start up after ignition.

And than he just sat there, silently

In other news, just few hours after the press conference by PCB media spokesperson, chief justice Muhammad Iftikhar Chaudhry took a sou moto notice on the report of corruption scandal in funds for stadium being built for the series in Mars. The report appeared in one of the afternoon daily newspaper, on which Chief Justice was having a samosa. Some believe he was just pissed by too much oil in the samosa. A separate low profile contempt notices were sent Cafeteria manager of the Supreme court premises as well. Supreme Court has further given a stay order against any such series being held until further notice. Notices have been issued to Chairman PCB,  President Asif Ali Zardari, Ambassador of Pakistan to Mars and Spock. Spock has already filed the reply with the registrar containing a scanned image of his Vulcan middle finger salute.

*The player can often be seen in shampoo ads.