After the refusal of Sri Lanka Cricket Board to host a series between Australia and the inevitable anticipated rejection from BCCI, PCB has decided to hold the series on another neural venue i.e planet Mars. PCB media spokesperson informing the details of the decision informed dumb founded media personnel that they first considered Venus but the idea was rejected as Australians showed concerns over the ‘possible’ amount of heat on the planet as their players feel they will find i difficult to adapt to the conditions.
The memo sent by ACB to PCB read something like on the lines of ‘You-gotta-be-f**kin-kidding-me’.
Pakistan players however felt disappointed and expressed regret over the fact that Venus suited Pakistan’s conditions more and it was like playing at home.
“Honestly there is not much difference if you have already had practice sessions in Gaddafi Stadium now a days”, said Misbah. It was difficult to judge whether he was happy or sad over the decision.
One Pakistan player on the condition of anonymity* said that Venus held the advantage in a way in case Misbah is stuck with one of his ‘building’ innings routine, it would be easier for him to attempt a suicide by jumping over to the neighboring sun.
“Its ingenious! I do not know why I did not think of it before. No one lives there, so no one can refuse our request”, said an unusually jubilant PCB chief, Zaka Ashraf.
US secretary of State, Mrs. Clinton showed concerns and revealed that hey have strong intelligence that Darth Vader is hiding in North Waziristan and may get on board on the rocket that will take Pakistan team to Mars. She also suggested the fear that disgraced Jedi might attack Australian team on Mars as well to announce his new reign of terror and hence Pakistan should do more to aid in his capture.
When Pakistan’s interior minister was asked about Mrs. Clinton’s remarks, a bewildered Rehman Malik exclaimed he did not who the f**k this Darth Vader was, but vowed to track him down if the US shared their intelligence with Pakistan.
PCB chairman Ashraf however remained positive. Sharing the security plan for the series due to rumored threats by Darth Vader, Zaka said he had personally contacted Spock for overseeing the arrangements and that starship Enterprise will be taking care of any external or internal threats. When this reporter contacted Mr. Spock however, he said that Ashraf probably confuses courtesy of Vulcan salute with a victory sign in agreement.
When Ashraf was asked how PCB was planning to profit from the venture since there will be no spectators in Mars, he simply glared at the reporter, flared his nostrils and blew some air upwards towards his mustaches.
It appears however that the decision did not go well with an eastern neighbor i.e India. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh urged United States and UN security council to interfere, suggesting that this plan might just be cover for an attempt to declare Mars as a Pakistan territory. He also directed Indian scientists to blow up Mars with atomic weapons, but the rocket carrying the weapons to Mars could not start up after ignition.
In other news, just few hours after the press conference by PCB media spokesperson, chief justice Muhammad Iftikhar Chaudhry took a sou moto notice on the report of corruption scandal in funds for stadium being built for the series in Mars. The report appeared in one of the afternoon daily newspaper, on which Chief Justice was having a samosa. Some believe he was just pissed by too much oil in the samosa. A separate low profile contempt notices were sent Cafeteria manager of the Supreme court premises as well. Supreme Court has further given a stay order against any such series being held until further notice. Notices have been issued to Chairman PCB, President Asif Ali Zardari, Ambassador of Pakistan to Mars and Spock. Spock has already filed the reply with the registrar containing a scanned image of his Vulcan middle finger salute.
*The player can often be seen in shampoo ads.